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“Dating To Relating For Men” is a weekly dating advice column for men with releases scheduled every Monday.
“Dating To Relating For Men” is created and authored by Mr. L. Rx and released exclusively through AssociatedNews.US. Mr. L. Rx is one of the preeminent men’s dating advice gurus, with the second most popular men’s dating advice site on the internet (DatingToRelating.com) and several popular books such as his dating bible for men – Dating To Relating – From A to Z.
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DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN
Dating To Relating For Men – Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z.” Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions can not be answered.)
Question: What do women mean when they say that they don’t feel any chemistry with you? Is that just a nice way of saying you are not very good looking?
Answer: No, not at all. The majority of women don’t have as much of a physical requirement on looks as the majority of men do.
This is sometimes very hard for guys to understand as the majority of guys are always attracted to good looks as a first requirement.
When I went on my 700 dates in one year, one of the things I did is ask questions of each date. “Chemistry” was one of those things that bewildered me at the time, as I thought it was just a nice way of a woman telling me I was not attractive to her. And of course by attractive, I only thought of it as a physical thing.
What I found out is that very few women defined “chemistry” as having anything to do with looks. Instead it had to do with emotional connection, communication, some “unknown” magical quality, mental connection, etc.
Women told me stories of meeting guys that they thought were unattractive at first but then having a conversation, and by the end of the conversation they thought the guy was the most attractive guy in the world.
Indeed communication seems to be the most important factor in creating attraction or chemistry on a first date or meeting. I usually close about 80-90% of the women I meet on a first date for a second date. I create “chemistry” most often by simply listening to what a women had to say and asking questions that I am interested in knowing.
Showing genuine interest in someone usually creates some sort of a “chemistry” feeling towards you.
Question: What does it mean when a woman says she just wants to be friends?
Answer: Well in terms of the above question, it usually means that you failed to create any feeling of sexual “chemistry” between the two of you.
Usually this happens when a guy is trying to be interesting. When you try to be interesting, you create a sort of “entertainment” value for the woman. She will find you funny or “interesting” or a “good listener”. But if you are not showing her that you are interested in her, she will not get that feeling of “chemistry”.
She gets that feeling of chemistry when she feels that you are genuinely interested in her. Most women want a guy who is interested in her. But you also have to create “sexual chemistry.” You do that by showing subtle sexual interest in her. If you are “just” a good listener, and show no sexual interest in her, then no matter how interested you are in her otherwise, that will be a mistake too.
Sexual interest at a first meeting is best communicated subtly. Telling her how beautiful she is constantly, or focusing too much on sexual topics in your conversation will usually backfire on you with most women.
Light non-sexual touch or contact, moving in close then away, finding nice things to compliment about her personality will usually communicate sexual interest in a way that excites most women.
Wait for her to return the sexual interest by subtle indicators, and take it to the next level only when she returns your interest.
Mr. L. Rx