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“Dating To Relating For Men” is a weekly dating advice column for men with releases scheduled every Monday.

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DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN

Dating To Relating For Men – Advice By Mr. L. Rx

Released by AssociatedNews.US

Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z.” Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions can not be answered.)

Question: In your book you talk about getting a girlfriend who broke up with you back. How do you do that exactly?

Answer: Well this is probably one of the most difficult tasks there is.  Mainly because you have to first of all, see exactly what you did to blow it, and then be willing to change your behavior to correct that.

Seeing exactly what you did to blow it is the hardest part.  This is hard because it is usually mixed up with an emotional reaction that wants to win the girl back even if you shouldn’t.

The hardest part about all this is staying objective. Particularly if you are dumped, there seems to be a reaction that wants to get the person back to prove them wrong or just to get even by dumping them after you get them back.

So, what should you do. First of all, you must assess if the girl is worth getting back. Now don’t be swayed by her looks. This is where personality really counts. Did you get along? Or could you have gotten along if you had honestly treated her differently. You have to be real honest in your assessment. Getting someone back that you really don’t like and can’t get along with isn’t going to end up in a good place.

If you can honestly determine that you feel you did some things wrong and that if you stopped doing those things you could get along, If you can honestly determine that you can actually stop the offending behavior and make a total change in your behavioral pattern (In other words you won’t go back to the offensive behavior shortly after you get her back), If you can honestly determine that the offensive behavior was not really you anyway and is not how you want to be, then you have a chance of changing and having it stick.

Now once you determine she is worth getting back and that you can change your offensive behavior and live with it, the next step is to apologize. Tell her that you did some introspection, that you realize you did some things wrong and exactly what you did wrong and why it was wrong.

If you do this right, she might believe you are really willing to change.  If she has to tell you what you did wrong and why, she won’t believe you.

If she is just tired of it all, she may not be willing to give you a chance, so the next step is to assess if you have any chance at all. The way I have done this is in your conversation where you are telling her all this and asking for another shot, if she says “no” or “no way”, ask her if there is any chance at all that she thinks it could work. Ask her if there is a 50/50 chance? A 10% chance? Or even a 1% chance.

If she admits that there is a chance (even a 1% chance) then you do have a chance of repairing the situation, if she says absolutely not and sticks to her guns no matter how much you apologize and offer to change, then I would say you don’t have a chance and it is time to give up.

If she does admit to a chance, then you have to change your offensive behavior immediately and you have to give her time and space to see the change. No one is going to believe you have changed after one or two days or even one or two weeks. After a couple of months they may begin to believe the change is real.

So give it some time. Don’t expect a full relationship with all your privileges right away. You will have to earn her love and respect again. But if you keep at it and you have really changed you will eventually win her back.

Mr. L. Rx