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“Dating To Relating For Men” is a weekly dating advice column for men with releases scheduled every Monday.
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DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Released by AssociatedNews.US
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions can not be answered.)
Question: How do you get physical with a girl you have known for a while (like 3 months give or take)?
Answer: Getting physical is something that usually occurs naturally between a man and a woman over a three month period unless one or both of them is extremely uncomfortable on disinterested.
When a man is uncomfortable with approaching a woman for a physical relationship, the main thing that a man can do to handle that is learn how to observe and use gradients.
What are gradients? Gradients are like steps on a ladder that you climb to get to the top. Some guys may try to go to the top of the ladder without climbing any of the steps. And that makes the girl uncomfortable as well as the guy.
A guy who is uncomfortable in this area should learn both how to recognize gradients when women use them and how to use gradients on women.
Not every woman will start at the same gradient. Some women will start with a kiss after a first date, and move up gradually or rapidly from there – from kissing, to making out, to petting, to heavy petting and finally to intercourse. If a man tries to jump to the “intercourse” stage without going through the other gradients, he might just lose the girl. Conversely, you can lose a girl because you are moving up the gradients too slowly.
Now other women won’t even be up to the gradient of giving you a goodnight kiss until the seventh date. Gradients for her might be: getting to know you, talking about sexual topics indirectly (for example commiserating about an ex-boyfriend), accidental touch (bumping into you as you walk), purposeful little touches to your arm or leg, holding onto your arm as you walk, holding your hand, and then a goodnight kiss.
If you are uncomfortable with this area and want to get physical with a girl, flirt with her, romance her, observe where she is on the gradients of sexual contact, then lead her up the gradients gently. As long as you don’t skip too many gradients, if she is interested, she will move up the gradients quickly or slowly depending on her personality.
If she is not interested, she probably won’t budge. Try lowering the gradient and if she still doesn’t budge. Try talking about it. Ask her if she is interested in a relationship with you or if she only wants to be friends.
Also remember that most women won’t go out on a “date” with you unless they are already vaguely ok with the concept of getting physical with you. So you might want to clarify if you are dating or just “hanging out.”
Mr. L. Rx