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“Dating To Relating For Men” is a weekly dating advice column for men with releases scheduled every Monday.
“Dating To Relating For Men” is created and authored by Mr. L. Rx and released exclusively through AssociatedNews.US. Mr. L. Rx is one of the preeminent men’s dating advice gurus, with the second most popular men’s dating advice site on the internet (DatingToRelating.com) and several popular books such as his dating bible for men – Dating To Relating – From A to Z.
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DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN
Dating To Relating For Men – Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z.” Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions can not be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, I never know what is going on in a relationship. I think things are going fine, then the girl leaves me. Or I am worried and there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong. How do you tell what is really going on in a relationship?
Answer: If you want to know what is going on in a relationship you have to learn to observe motion.
There are only three basic motions a person can exhibit with respect to you. 1) Move toward you, 2) move away from you, and 3) stay in the same place with respect to you (no motion).
Now when I talk about motion with respect to a man/woman relationship I am talking about motion towards you in many ways, like:
1) physically (a women moves closer to you, touches you, etc.)
2) mentally (agreement would be a motion toward, disagreement a motion away)
3) emotionally (liking you and feeling comfortable would be a motion toward and disliking you, feeling uncomfortable with you would be a motion away)
4) communicatively (wanting to talk to you would be a motion toward, not wanting to talk to you would be a motion away).
These are the statistics that you use to manage your relationship. You watch and observe what she is doing and the direction of her motion.
If she wants less sex, she is moving away. If she doesn’t talk to you as much, she is moving away. If she is getting bored with you, when she use to be enthralled she is moving away.
If she wants “to talk” about things (guys hate this), this is good. She hasn’t given up, she is still moving toward you. If she asks you to go shopping with her (guys hate this too) she is moving toward you.
Now what do you do about it?
Real simple – observe what makes her move toward you, create more of that. Observe what makes her move away from you and stop doing that.
Now if you just do those two simple actions on a daily basis, you can make any relationship better and continue to grow and you can repair a relationship that has gone astray.
Don’t put your feelings about things above your observations. It does not matter what you feel is good, should be good, or should work, etc. OBSERVE what makes her move toward you on the vector you are working on – physical, emotional, communication, mental – and CREATE more of that. OBSERVE what makes her move away and STOP doing that.
The only other thing you will have to take into account in all of this, is your personal integrity. Sometimes when you start to really observe people and see what makes them move toward you, or away from you, you get into a conflict of values, interests, opinions, etc.
You may find yourself in a position that you don’t want to do the things that work and make her move toward you, and she doesn’t want to do the things that you would like to do to make her move toward you.
When you find yourself in that position, you are perhaps in the wrong relationship and should sit down and really discuss your values and where each of you want to go with your lives and your relationship to see if it is worth continuing.
Mr. L. Rx