{"id":2922,"date":"2012-08-18T18:09:02","date_gmt":"2012-08-18T18:09:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/associatednews.us\/content\/?p=2922"},"modified":"2012-08-27T22:37:06","modified_gmt":"2012-08-27T22:37:06","slug":"love-is-not-attraction-or-is-it-dating-to-relating-for-men-82012","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/associatednews.us\/content\/love-is-not-attraction-or-is-it-dating-to-relating-for-men-82012\/","title":{"rendered":"Love Is Not Attraction Or Is It? – Dating To Relating For Men – 8\/20\/12"},"content":{"rendered":"

You may use the \u201cDating To Relating For Men\u201d column in your newspaper, magazine, or website royalty free <\/strong>as long as you do not edit out any information, and you make sure the attribution (AssociatedNews.US) and the copyright (2012 Dating To Relating, Inc.) are clearly legible within the column. You may only use the column royalty free in your newspaper, magazine, or website. It may not be used in any books, book compilations or collections without our express permission.<\/p>\n

\u201cDating To Relating For Men\u201d<\/strong> is a weekly dating advice column for men with releases scheduled every Monday.<\/p>\n

“Dating To Relating For Men\u201d<\/strong> is created and authored by Mr. L. Rx and released exclusively through AssociatedNews.US. Mr. L. Rx is one of the preeminent men’s dating advice gurus, with the second most popular men’s dating advice site on the internet (DatingToRelating.com<\/strong>) and several popular books such as his dating bible for men – Dating To Relating – From A to Z<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

If you would like to be on the direct advance distribution list for the weekly release of \u201cDating To Relating For Men<\/strong>\u201d send an email to DatingToRelating@AssociatedNews.US<\/strong> and tell us your name and the name of the publication that will be using the column.<\/p>\n

For more information on Love Is Not Attraction Or Is It?<\/a> visit DatingToRelating.info<\/p>\n

Copyright 2012 by Dating To Relating, Inc.<\/strong><\/p>\n

DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN
\n<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx<\/strong>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Released by AssociatedNews.US<\/strong><\/p>\n

Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book \u201cDating To Relating \u2013 From A To Z\u201d. <\/strong>Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com<\/strong> and it may be selected for answer in this column. <\/strong>(Sorry all questions can not be answered.)<\/p>\n

Question:<\/strong> Mr. L. Rx, I am very attracted to this girl in one of my college classes. I\u2019ve known her for several months now, though we don\u2019t have a relationship. I feel that I am deeply in love with her and told her that the other day. She told me that attraction is not love. Is she right? I feel that this strong of an attraction must be love. Could I be wrong?<\/p>\n


\nAnswer:<\/strong> This is one of the best questions I have had in a long time. And the answer is simple. Love is not attraction.<\/p>\n

Well, perhaps I should temper that. For some people love is experienced as attraction, or at least love is misidentified as attraction. Attraction between men and women is entirely a physical force not a mental force. Attraction between men and women can be created by mental considerations, but in the end it is not a mental force.<\/p>\n

Mr. Webster defines attraction as:<\/p>\n

The electric or magnetic force exerted by oppositely charged particles, tending to draw or hold the particles together.<\/p>\n

Men and women are oppositely charged particles. When we are talking about attraction here, we are talking about a physical attraction.<\/p>\n

Now most women, not all, have a better handle on this than men. Most women, can feel a physical attraction for a man, recognize it as such, determine that the man for other reasons is unsuitable as a \u201clove interest\u201d and move on. Most men, on the other hand, can\u2019t do this. Most men feel a physical attraction for a woman, and the stronger that physical attraction is, the more they misidentify it as \u201clove.\u201d<\/p>\n

Both David DeAngelo and myself have written extensively that attraction can be created and that it is not innate. You can create attraction, where there is none, just by teaching men (or women) to say and do or be certain things.<\/p>\n

Men physically saying or doing or being certain things, creates attraction in women. This is a physical law, not a mental condition, just as it is a physical law that you can magnetize any piece of metal, and create attraction to that metal whether or not it was magnetized before. (Incidentally you can do this no matter how ugly or poor that piece of metal is!)<\/p>\n

Now love on the other hand is also an attraction of sorts. But it is a mental attraction not a physical one. Physical attraction is different for everyone. For some it is how cute you are, for others, how rich you are, or yet others, how famous you are. But in all cases a physical attraction is an instantaneous attraction with no thought attached – just like a magnet.<\/p>\n

Physical attractions are meant to get us to pay attention to someone. That\u2019s all. That is the extent of it. Once you pay attention, cognitive processes should take over.<\/p>\n

Now love, when it is not misidentified, is a totally cognitive process. It is a mental process. After someone gets our attention, love is the attraction that develops because we get to know someone and find that many of their non-physical qualities are a good \u201cfit\u201d, agreeable, or a match for us.<\/p>\n

Love can take a long time or a short time to develop, but \u201clove\u201d is where we arrive when we overwhelmingly start finding ourselves attracted to a person in ways that the physical sexual attraction did not foretell.<\/p>\n

When we find that the person\u2019s humor, personality, way of being, way of communicating, and goals in life are all \u201cattractive\u201d or compatible with ourselves (and are real \u2013 not fake attributes that were meant to create physical attraction); and when we find that we naturally want to be with a person because of a whole set of variables \u2013 not just looks or money or fame \u2013 we are starting to develop a cognitive attraction or \u201clove.\u201d<\/p>\n

There can be so many cognitive attractions to a person that, at some point, it can overcome a lack of \u201cphysical attraction\u201d (looks, money, fame). But, most importantly, a cognitive \u201clove\u201d would look for a \u201creturn\u201d variable in another. In other words, a cognitive attraction would not consider it \u201clove\u201d \u2013 as between a man and a woman \u2013 unless the cognitive attraction saw the attraction going in both directions.<\/p>\n

And that my friend is the difference between love and attraction.<\/p>\n

Mr. L. Rx<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You may use the \u201cDating To Relating For Men\u201d column in your newspaper, magazine, or website royalty free as long as you do not edit out any information, and you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[56,74],"tags":[216,50],"class_list":["post-2922","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-columns","category-dating-to-relating","tag-columns","tag-dating-relationship-advice"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/associatednews.us\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2922","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/associatednews.us\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/associatednews.us\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/associatednews.us\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/associatednews.us\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2922"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/associatednews.us\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2922\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2929,"href":"https:\/\/associatednews.us\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2922\/revisions\/2929"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/associatednews.us\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2922"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/associatednews.us\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2922"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/associatednews.us\/content\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2922"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}